the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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