I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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