Where did you get a picture of my penis
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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