Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We had to coat check the pizza.
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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