Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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