On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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