dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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