I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
