All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
