So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
