it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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