it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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