I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
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I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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