im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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