you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
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Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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