it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
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Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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