so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
