if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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