Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.