Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars