sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho