Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
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I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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