can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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