This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
