i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
