There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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