i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
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it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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