Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
