you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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