Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
bring money and cleavage
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
