i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
