Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
