there's paper in my vomit.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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