You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
