just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
