Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
