And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
