I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize