Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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