I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
