so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she peed on how many people?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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