Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.