i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!