Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Randomize
Follow @tfln