We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The best revenge is premature balding
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
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I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live