my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think people are normalizing furries
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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