Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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