my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
