my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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