"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
