I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
