Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
