I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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