Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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