Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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