don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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