I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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